This weekend I challenged myself to a rather daunting task: turn off my laptop and put it out of my sight, and don't watch any TV or movies. I had grown weary of pulling myself away from both types of screens bleary-eyed and exhausted. I wouldn't classify myself as a "screen-addict" - but I felt it was time for some detox.
There were literally piles of magazines that I truly love to scour waiting for me. There are always books that are in need of reading. And I'd been longing for some old-fashioned journaling. So Friday night the computer went away. And Saturday was completely, well, I guess the word I keep coming back to is Organic.
Usually, when Ella is napping or down for the night, I click on the Internet and Go. I've got places to be, things to check, e-mails to send, people to IM, blogs to read, etc etc. While most these things are worthy causes in my mind, I've come to realize that I don't need to go to all of these sites every single time the child takes a nap. It's become a habit, and it's about time this habit gets broken.
So what did I do with these screenless hours? At first, I thought about all the things that I could be checking on the Internet. Then I realized that it was a bigger part of my life than I expected. I wanted to check the weather. Couldn't. Wanted to put a couple of books on hold at the library. Ironic, huh? Wanted to check Dictionary.com (I realize this is unavoidably nerdy, and I have an actual dictionary, but the website is so much easier. Which makes me mad at myself because whenever Andy and I try to find a phone number, I race him in finding it - him on the internet, me with the phonebook. I keep trying to prove that the "hardcopies" of information are still valid. whoa, sidetrack).
Even all the magazines I was reading referenced websites, and I had to earmark all the places I wanted to go back and look up later. But I got to read some ever-welcomed Goudge, and spent time just quiet. I wrote a long list of things that I either want to do, or wish I wanted to do, and hopefully will someday soon get done. Creative things.
So now the weekend is up, and "real life" has started again. And while it's not the norm that I have the house completely to myself, save for the nursery where aformentioned baby is sleeping, I can apply my little weekend's "retreat" to the everyday. I can keep my computer not-quite-so-accessible, so that it's a concerted effort to get to it. And when my eyes have glassed over in front of the television, for goodness sake, turn it off!
I am so looking forward to the Spring, just so we can spend some time outside. On Friday, Andy and I played with Ella in our front yard. And after spending a good portion of the time trying very hard to not put her hands in the grass, Ella finally worked up the nerve to gingerly crawl around. Soon, she was off like a crazy woman, exploring and trying to put every single leaf in her mouth.
Oh yeah, she also took her very first steps that day. What enticed her? None other than a cell phone dangled in front of her excited little face. Since then she's taking her sweet time working up to another stroll, so we're still waiting for the walking machine. And Ella-proofing Phase 4 is about to begin...
Monday, February 27, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
no family bed for me
When Ella was in her first few months of life, she would often find her way into our bed for a nap or for the critical post-6am window, where I would try to keep her sleeping for as long as possible. And by "finding her way" I mean that it was Always me putting her into bed with us. I just loved snuggling close with my little baby (but not too close - for fear of suffocation).
She was so small that Andy didn't even always know that she was in there with us, unless she made some sort of noise. I think she slept better because she loved being held All of the time, and there was that comfort knowing that her life source (aka: mother) was nearby.
My friends, those days are over. Last night, Andy was out of town (the first time in a Long time) and I decided to harken back to the days of Mommy and Ella sleepovers. I learned 2 things from this less than 1 hour experience. First, the concept of "the family bed" (an entire family sleeping together in one big bed) baffles me more than it ever has before. I am not venturing to argue against it as a whole, but all I know is that Alison and Ella Osenga do not share a bed well in this current stage of life. I like to spread out - so does she.
During our little together time, this child rolled on top of me, pulled my hair, hit my face and chest, kicked my stomach, and almost rolled off our (rather high) bed onto the hardwood floor. All in her sleep. I fondly remembered the days when she would snuggle up to me and Stay. I put a pillow on the other side of her merely as a precaution, not as a laughable deterrent.
Second, I think for the first time since this child was a twinkle in my blue-grey eye, I truly understood the brilliance of a crib. And a bumper pad. For all the reasons listed above, it's a good thing that crazy-sleeping baby has a trusty enclosure - and something soft to barrel against. It's also good for me to be able to have a night or two where I can thrash around, and my poor husband doesn't get nearly pushed off the (rather high) bed onto the hardwood floor.
Monday, February 20, 2006
birds and births
Friday night I went to my first-ever painting class. It was held at this cool little place on 12th south called the Art House. I went with my friends Leslie and Kristen, and after 2 hours we walked away with masterpieces. Actually, none of us were terribly thrilled with our results, but we all want to go back for more.
It was a great format, in that we couldn't make tons of choices. That was one thing I was kind of afraid of before we got there. What if I had to pick something out of the clear, blue sky to paint? There's no way I would be able to pick, much less know how to paint it. So it was a relief when we walked in and the instructor handed us palettes with 3 paint colors and told us to just fill up the canvas with color. The only rule was that we couldn't paint in straight lines. Totally manageable.
While we let the paint dry, she explained the basics. Some people in there had painted before and knew all about the color wheel and planes and things of that nature. I knew absolutely nothing. I ventured a few answers to questions she gave the group. I got them wrong. It's a good thing the class was called "painting for dummies."
We then picked one of two things to paint. It was between a bird and a vase of flowers. Although no one outside of the class has yet to guess what it is, I painted a bird. We basically copied a very avant-garde bird sketch she had for us, and then practiced our new-found knowledge in the techniques of color contrast, shading, texturing and such. My bird was by far the fattest in the class, and the colors weren't at all what I had envisioned them to be. I was hoping for a serene, yet jovial, scene filled with light blues and greens, with a splash of yellow and white. I ended up with dark reds and oranges, and varying shades of green. But it really was a good experience, and the right side of my brain is craving more.
The next night I found this Chickadee and did my best at copying it with pencil and paper. The result actually looks like a bird, so that's encouraging.
Also, today is Andy's 27th birthday. Hooray!!!
It was a great format, in that we couldn't make tons of choices. That was one thing I was kind of afraid of before we got there. What if I had to pick something out of the clear, blue sky to paint? There's no way I would be able to pick, much less know how to paint it. So it was a relief when we walked in and the instructor handed us palettes with 3 paint colors and told us to just fill up the canvas with color. The only rule was that we couldn't paint in straight lines. Totally manageable.
While we let the paint dry, she explained the basics. Some people in there had painted before and knew all about the color wheel and planes and things of that nature. I knew absolutely nothing. I ventured a few answers to questions she gave the group. I got them wrong. It's a good thing the class was called "painting for dummies."
We then picked one of two things to paint. It was between a bird and a vase of flowers. Although no one outside of the class has yet to guess what it is, I painted a bird. We basically copied a very avant-garde bird sketch she had for us, and then practiced our new-found knowledge in the techniques of color contrast, shading, texturing and such. My bird was by far the fattest in the class, and the colors weren't at all what I had envisioned them to be. I was hoping for a serene, yet jovial, scene filled with light blues and greens, with a splash of yellow and white. I ended up with dark reds and oranges, and varying shades of green. But it really was a good experience, and the right side of my brain is craving more.
The next night I found this Chickadee and did my best at copying it with pencil and paper. The result actually looks like a bird, so that's encouraging.
Also, today is Andy's 27th birthday. Hooray!!!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
It's official
I've reached a whole new level of motherhood. This morning I found a pacifier nestled in my nursing tank top. Since I've been wearing this shirt since yesterday, I have no idea how long the pacifier had been resting there. Awesome.
Monday, February 13, 2006
hello, caffeine - goodbye, leftovers
After over 2 years of all-natural energy, I've moved back to the dark side. Or the light, depending on how you look at it. I almost can't believe I made it as long as I did without this legal drug. I went through my whole prenancy and almost the whole first year of Ella's life without so much as a sip of coke. Two years without Baja's fruit tea! No more, my friends. I have welcomed the sweet goodness back into my life.
Funny enough, I'm not getting the bursts of synthesized energy I was anticipating. I must be way more exhausted than I had expected. Granted, I'm not even drinking a full bottle of coke (note: being from the south, "coke" indicates any carbonated beverage - my preference is actually Pepsi) or cup of fruit tea at a time. I thought that after so long an absence, there would be more of an effect. I suppose the ever-present dark circles under my eyes suggest otherwise.
The healthy answer, I realize, is to sleep more, but I'm still working on being a better time manager. I also need to be a better food manager (how's that for a segue?). I either need to master the art of cooking for exactly how many people are eating that night (usually 2) or we need to start eating the leftovers. I clean out our refrigerator every Wednesday night (trash day is Thursday) - and, without fail, there are multiple meals that get thrown away.
I admit that I am slightly neurotic when it comes to tossing food. If it's been in the fridge 3 days, I begin to question it's integrity. Andy, on the other hand, eats hamburgers on buns that have literally been sitting out for three weeks. We need to come to a happy medium. I Do feel guilty about not eating the leftovers when there are starving children in Africa (although I still don't quite get the exact correlation - if I could send them the actual leftovers I would).
So last night Andy and I ate what may be leftovers. It was cooked but never even partially eaten - just refrigerated - so it seemed a bit more appetizing than a half-eaten cuisine. It wasn't. Actually, the mashed potatoes weren't bad - nor were the green beans. But no matter how much lemon juice I spritzed on the chicken, it just wouldn't produce any moisture. Chicken breasts were not made to be microwaved after being fully cooked and seasoned.
Good thing we're eating take-out tonight.
Funny enough, I'm not getting the bursts of synthesized energy I was anticipating. I must be way more exhausted than I had expected. Granted, I'm not even drinking a full bottle of coke (note: being from the south, "coke" indicates any carbonated beverage - my preference is actually Pepsi) or cup of fruit tea at a time. I thought that after so long an absence, there would be more of an effect. I suppose the ever-present dark circles under my eyes suggest otherwise.
The healthy answer, I realize, is to sleep more, but I'm still working on being a better time manager. I also need to be a better food manager (how's that for a segue?). I either need to master the art of cooking for exactly how many people are eating that night (usually 2) or we need to start eating the leftovers. I clean out our refrigerator every Wednesday night (trash day is Thursday) - and, without fail, there are multiple meals that get thrown away.
I admit that I am slightly neurotic when it comes to tossing food. If it's been in the fridge 3 days, I begin to question it's integrity. Andy, on the other hand, eats hamburgers on buns that have literally been sitting out for three weeks. We need to come to a happy medium. I Do feel guilty about not eating the leftovers when there are starving children in Africa (although I still don't quite get the exact correlation - if I could send them the actual leftovers I would).
So last night Andy and I ate what may be leftovers. It was cooked but never even partially eaten - just refrigerated - so it seemed a bit more appetizing than a half-eaten cuisine. It wasn't. Actually, the mashed potatoes weren't bad - nor were the green beans. But no matter how much lemon juice I spritzed on the chicken, it just wouldn't produce any moisture. Chicken breasts were not made to be microwaved after being fully cooked and seasoned.
Good thing we're eating take-out tonight.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
face-lift
At long last, we have a new dining room and kitchen floor. All last week we poured the required blood, sweat and tears into the project. This involved ripping up the (extremely gross) carpet and (not so bad but i'm happy to see it go) linoleum, painting above the chair rail in the dining room so that it matches it's lower half in the "red red wine" variety, painting the kitchen the perfect shade of yellow, and putting in our "hardwood" floors.
Okay, so Andy did all the flooring. He and cousin Dean rocked it, and did a mighty fine job. I commandeered the painting with the help of some very kind friends. And all day last Wednesday (and naptime on Tuesday) I imposed upon some more kind friends so that Ella wouldn't lose her hearing and I wouldn't lose my sanity. If it weren't for everyone's help I think we would still be rolling up the (so disgusting I can't even think about it) carpet.
Projects are never really ever finished, though (at least not around here), so we have some trim work to do, and some painting on the cabinetry - but the bulk of it is finished, and it looks amazing. Ella is slipping and sliding all around the floor, and seeing just how much she can make her voice reverberate in the "new" space. The rest of us are slipping and sliding on the floor, and it's become a new favorite past time (for me, anyway). If you take a running start all the way down the hall, you can slide almost the entire length of the room. Good times.
It's amazing how fast things pile up in a week's time. I've done six loads of laundry in the past twenty-four hours, and have at least three more waiting. There are almost no provisions left in the fridge, so a massive grocery trip is in the near future. There are bills to be paid, and CDs to be shipped. There are bathrooms to be cleaned, and babies to be bathed (I didn't wait a week to bathe Ella, but she's due for another one). There's our Tuesday tradition to resume. Most importantly, there are nights to spend just hanging out, enjoying our surroundings and each other.
Okay, so Andy did all the flooring. He and cousin Dean rocked it, and did a mighty fine job. I commandeered the painting with the help of some very kind friends. And all day last Wednesday (and naptime on Tuesday) I imposed upon some more kind friends so that Ella wouldn't lose her hearing and I wouldn't lose my sanity. If it weren't for everyone's help I think we would still be rolling up the (so disgusting I can't even think about it) carpet.
Projects are never really ever finished, though (at least not around here), so we have some trim work to do, and some painting on the cabinetry - but the bulk of it is finished, and it looks amazing. Ella is slipping and sliding all around the floor, and seeing just how much she can make her voice reverberate in the "new" space. The rest of us are slipping and sliding on the floor, and it's become a new favorite past time (for me, anyway). If you take a running start all the way down the hall, you can slide almost the entire length of the room. Good times.
It's amazing how fast things pile up in a week's time. I've done six loads of laundry in the past twenty-four hours, and have at least three more waiting. There are almost no provisions left in the fridge, so a massive grocery trip is in the near future. There are bills to be paid, and CDs to be shipped. There are bathrooms to be cleaned, and babies to be bathed (I didn't wait a week to bathe Ella, but she's due for another one). There's our Tuesday tradition to resume. Most importantly, there are nights to spend just hanging out, enjoying our surroundings and each other.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
entitlement
As my Ella becomes more aware of the world around her, it seems she feels that anything within her reach could (and should) be hers. I think this is probably a common trait among babies. Andy and I worked in the church nursery today and you can see it in how the babies take toys from each other...or when one of them is having a book read, others want in on the action - although none of them can talk.
Now, I want to make a clear distinction between this "wanting" of the babies, and "wanting" of toddlers. This is before it really seems selfish or, sometimes, even malicious. This is more of a, "I see that thing, and obviously the person in possession of it is having a really good time, so I want it, too."
In Ella's case, if I'm holding my cell phone or typing on the computer or holding a cup (her three favorite things in the world) her little eyes light up, she gives an excited laugh (which still sounds like a cough) and lunges for it. Actually, I could be holding anything, and she would be almost as excited. If a magazine is in her reach, forget about it. She has ripped out at least 3 pages, and has stuffed at least a quarter of 1 of those pages in her mouth. Yesterday I fished out Jennifer Aniston's head.
I'm not quite sure at what point this becomes a "mine" battle (Lord, give me patience when that becomes her favorite word). As it stands, I'm just enjoying watching her total abandon to social mores, because she has no idea they exist. Pretty much every baby I've ever seen will smile at anyone they feel like, either not caring at all what the reaction might be, or because they expect a smile right back. I don't know the last time I graced a perfect stranger with a smile without a second thought. I often smile at strangers if our paths cross, but if they were to glare back at me, I would most definitely feel the sting.
Babies? Not so much. Is it because they are primed? Or because those kinds of insecurities have yet to settle in. Blast those insecurities. I feel there is probably some spiritual connection that could be made to this particular abandon and entitlement our tiny persons seem to possess. We are entitled to peace. We are entitled to fearlessness. We are entitled to neverending grace and love. These aren't just things we can hope we get some day. These are Ours. These are Mine. These are Andy's and Ella's. What would our little family (or community) look like if we lived fully in what is already ours?
Now, I want to make a clear distinction between this "wanting" of the babies, and "wanting" of toddlers. This is before it really seems selfish or, sometimes, even malicious. This is more of a, "I see that thing, and obviously the person in possession of it is having a really good time, so I want it, too."
In Ella's case, if I'm holding my cell phone or typing on the computer or holding a cup (her three favorite things in the world) her little eyes light up, she gives an excited laugh (which still sounds like a cough) and lunges for it. Actually, I could be holding anything, and she would be almost as excited. If a magazine is in her reach, forget about it. She has ripped out at least 3 pages, and has stuffed at least a quarter of 1 of those pages in her mouth. Yesterday I fished out Jennifer Aniston's head.
I'm not quite sure at what point this becomes a "mine" battle (Lord, give me patience when that becomes her favorite word). As it stands, I'm just enjoying watching her total abandon to social mores, because she has no idea they exist. Pretty much every baby I've ever seen will smile at anyone they feel like, either not caring at all what the reaction might be, or because they expect a smile right back. I don't know the last time I graced a perfect stranger with a smile without a second thought. I often smile at strangers if our paths cross, but if they were to glare back at me, I would most definitely feel the sting.
Babies? Not so much. Is it because they are primed? Or because those kinds of insecurities have yet to settle in. Blast those insecurities. I feel there is probably some spiritual connection that could be made to this particular abandon and entitlement our tiny persons seem to possess. We are entitled to peace. We are entitled to fearlessness. We are entitled to neverending grace and love. These aren't just things we can hope we get some day. These are Ours. These are Mine. These are Andy's and Ella's. What would our little family (or community) look like if we lived fully in what is already ours?
Sunday, January 22, 2006
memoirs & a cuppa joe
today has been deliciously rainy and cold. something about a rainy sunday hits me just right. church becomes more cozy (although getting to the actual building from the car with two huge bags, a baby, and an umbrella is quite a challenge), and home becomes even cozier. after ella went down for afternoon nap #1, i curled up with my current read then promptly nodded off. not that that reflects the book in any way, i am thoroughly enjoying it. sundays, however, leave me no choice but to sleep.
the book is a memoir, one of my favorite categories if done right. this one definitely is. "a girl named zippy" by haven kimmel, who i learned from her bio, currently resides in my childhood hometown. it's interesting, funny, and well-written. i think if i ever even attempted a memoir i would have approximately 2 stories from my childhood that anyone besides my family would find interesting. she has a whole book.
the sky was still pouring when ella began her early-evening nap. perfect coffee weather. not just any coffee, mind you. i crave decaf grande mochas. which leads me to a very pressing question. can one be addicted to a non-caffeinated beverage? i guess it's just like any other craving, but i don't know how many cravings actually get me out of the house in the pouring, freezing rain to drive 7 minutes to the nearest starbucks.
it was well worth it. not just the coffee, but the entire 20 minute experience. sometimes 20 minutes is all i need to get rejuvinated. even now, sweet andy is feeding ella her dinner, and i can have a few minutes to call my own. i never dreamed how much a simple act could mean to me. so a solo coffee run is practically life-changing. lightning 100 set the mood (much to my husband's pleasure it is now a pre-set on my radio). i took off the insulated sleeve of my cup, just so i could feel the full force of the warm goodness in my palms. i reflected on how i wish i liked local shops' mochas more than "the man's" mochas, but i truly have looked and not found a more chocolatey substitute.
when i finally put my corporate america struggle on temorary hold, i then reflected on one of today's sermon points - to Be who i Am - and tried to wrap my little mind around it. upon my arrival back home, i got to talk to andy some about it. he's a wise one, that husband of mine. and awfully cute. good thing my baby looks mostly like him.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
and she's up
standing, i mean. at 10 months and 2 days, ella's whole world changed yet again. all the stages feel monumental, and i realize walking will be one of the biggest...but what i wasn't anticipating was how different life is now that she's pulling up to her feet! it's so fun to watch her pop right up and start trying to grab at anything in her line of sight.
therefore, we have entered into phase 3 of ella-proofing. today all the pictures on the endtable next to the couch went away. i suppose they'll be back someday when there's actually a point in trying to explain that they are not for grabbing, chewing, or just knocking down. we're trying to figure out those battles - i am currently in the "no, ma'am, no shoes in the mouth" phase. cause that's just plain gross. now that she's standing, she is even more fascinated with laptops, and has commenced pulling off the letter keys and (of course) putting them in her mouth. um, danger!
this curious little baby loves exploring, and has claimed a couple of spots for her own play. under the dining room table, and under her high chair. i like to think of them as her little forts, but whatever they are to her, she has a lot of fun.
and she Definitely knows how to wave now. well, wave her entire arm, but she knows she's doing it, and uses it appropriately.
Also, she experienced her first true family meal last night. again, the crock-pot was employed, and ella got some of the goods. potatoes and carrots, for the record. and one more record...ella got her first shiner. not exactly her eye, but her cheekbone. boo.
ella has just now pulled up on my leg, and i'm smelling something that Must be attended to.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
resolution check-in
we're a couple of weeks into the new year. let's take a look-see at how my resolutions are holding up.
i'm feeling pretty pleased with the blogging frequency. could be putting more time-sensitive things down for the record, but maybe i'll build back up to that soon.
i am Very pleased with my little cooking self. what's nice is we've had dinner provided for us quite a few times since my resolution, but on the days where we're on our own, i've fired up the stove, turned on the oven, and brought out the crock-pot. a new hit with the family? lemon-garlic chicken in the crock-pot...mmmm.
exercising? ha. i've gone on exactly two mini-walks with ella because it was just too nice of a day to stay inside. that's it. that's all.
bedtime...much better, thank you. haven't always hit the midnite mark, sometimes earlier, sometimes a tiny bit later...
of course last night i didn't get home til 1 am because i was at the late-night showing of "tristan and isolde." good story. good actors. not so good script-writing. there was also the comical prosthetic glove, that you just kind of have to see to appreciate.
i'm feeling pretty pleased with the blogging frequency. could be putting more time-sensitive things down for the record, but maybe i'll build back up to that soon.
i am Very pleased with my little cooking self. what's nice is we've had dinner provided for us quite a few times since my resolution, but on the days where we're on our own, i've fired up the stove, turned on the oven, and brought out the crock-pot. a new hit with the family? lemon-garlic chicken in the crock-pot...mmmm.
exercising? ha. i've gone on exactly two mini-walks with ella because it was just too nice of a day to stay inside. that's it. that's all.
bedtime...much better, thank you. haven't always hit the midnite mark, sometimes earlier, sometimes a tiny bit later...
of course last night i didn't get home til 1 am because i was at the late-night showing of "tristan and isolde." good story. good actors. not so good script-writing. there was also the comical prosthetic glove, that you just kind of have to see to appreciate.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
go ahead and shoot me, oprah
a family ritual has begun in this osenga clan. tuesday evenings we go to the library (followed by target and chick-fil-a, but those have nothing to do with this particular rant). we employ the ever-so-handy online book request, so that when we arrive at the edmonson pike branch, whatever book we want to read is there waiting. i'll admit that i quickly go through books, so i'm always on the lookout for a good suggestion. i look on the library suggestion page, i ask friends, i read reviews, i often read what my mom's book club is reading, and (this leads me to my point) i reference oprah's book club list.
i'll start by giving oprah some credit. she has picked some classics - i believe it would do every well-rounded adult some good to read "east of eden" by steinbeck. why? because steinbeck is genius. he has a dark side, yes, but the way he describes people and settings and develops storylines is so rare and wonderful it's worth a read. "Anna Karenina" - another classic. One of my favorite books ever. "The Poisonwood Bible" - written more recently than the other two, and definitely excellent. There are a couple others on the list that I enjoy and would recommend to people. Others I would recommend only if someone were looking for a reason to sink into depression and end everything immediately.
all of these books share one common theme - messed up people. now, i realize that we All are messed up people. that is the beauty and glory of having a savior. also, knowing that we are all messed up is essential to true relationship and community. the aforementioned titles have messed up people in them. messed up lives. i am not trying to live in any sort of bubble. but i have recently read a book that was an "international #1 bestseller" and i would tell not a one person to read it. why? because it is so Pointlessly messed up that i just kind of felt sick the whole time.
and i think that's my main beef with some of these books. that the depressing situations really seem pointless. maybe it's because it's an obvious fabrication. give me a memoir or documentary or a person who is sharing their story and i'll enter willingly into the pain. but i no longer want to enter into a crazy world where the oldest daughter runs away to new york city, becomes a lesbian, than her father comes to "rescue" her, ends up raping her, she become pregnant with twins, only to die in childbirth, then her younger sister takes the twins down to the river to baptize them, and one slips through her hands and dies, then two days later the mom/grandma dies by sticking her head in an oven, then the remaining girls grow up and their lives are equally distressing. that's the last book i read.
we're heading to the library tonight and, ironically, i'm getting another book "by oprah", as andy says. but this one has been recommended independently of her, so i'll give it a whirl. but if i want to slit my wrists within the first 10 minutes, i'm quitting. i've requested some non-oprah books, too, so hopefully i won't be going into ella's room in the middle of the night to hold her and tremble in fear that she'll grow up to be an insane person.
i'll start by giving oprah some credit. she has picked some classics - i believe it would do every well-rounded adult some good to read "east of eden" by steinbeck. why? because steinbeck is genius. he has a dark side, yes, but the way he describes people and settings and develops storylines is so rare and wonderful it's worth a read. "Anna Karenina" - another classic. One of my favorite books ever. "The Poisonwood Bible" - written more recently than the other two, and definitely excellent. There are a couple others on the list that I enjoy and would recommend to people. Others I would recommend only if someone were looking for a reason to sink into depression and end everything immediately.
all of these books share one common theme - messed up people. now, i realize that we All are messed up people. that is the beauty and glory of having a savior. also, knowing that we are all messed up is essential to true relationship and community. the aforementioned titles have messed up people in them. messed up lives. i am not trying to live in any sort of bubble. but i have recently read a book that was an "international #1 bestseller" and i would tell not a one person to read it. why? because it is so Pointlessly messed up that i just kind of felt sick the whole time.
and i think that's my main beef with some of these books. that the depressing situations really seem pointless. maybe it's because it's an obvious fabrication. give me a memoir or documentary or a person who is sharing their story and i'll enter willingly into the pain. but i no longer want to enter into a crazy world where the oldest daughter runs away to new york city, becomes a lesbian, than her father comes to "rescue" her, ends up raping her, she become pregnant with twins, only to die in childbirth, then her younger sister takes the twins down to the river to baptize them, and one slips through her hands and dies, then two days later the mom/grandma dies by sticking her head in an oven, then the remaining girls grow up and their lives are equally distressing. that's the last book i read.
we're heading to the library tonight and, ironically, i'm getting another book "by oprah", as andy says. but this one has been recommended independently of her, so i'll give it a whirl. but if i want to slit my wrists within the first 10 minutes, i'm quitting. i've requested some non-oprah books, too, so hopefully i won't be going into ella's room in the middle of the night to hold her and tremble in fear that she'll grow up to be an insane person.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
everybody's workin' for the weekend
well, not me, i guess. saturday is technically about the same for me and ells as any other day. same schedule, same activities...but somehow i keep going to bed way too late every friday night. why? because the next day is saturday, and you can sleep in on saturday. right? except no one told ella, and she woke up at 7:30. thankfully she was just hungry and not quite ready to start her day.
but an hour later she Was ready, and i was especially glad and thankful that my husband was in town and could do the morning playtime with her. although i slept a few more glorious hours, i'm still exhausted...and this leads me to an addendum to my resolutions. one that i Must keep.
Go to bed earlier, dang it. at Least by midnight.
andy tried to set an 11pm goal for us last week, and that has been achieved not one time. so midnight is a good start.
what's nice is that ella still operates on 2 hour awake periods, so when i am dead-tired, i know a nap is not too far off. for ella, yes, but just as importantly, for me.
but an hour later she Was ready, and i was especially glad and thankful that my husband was in town and could do the morning playtime with her. although i slept a few more glorious hours, i'm still exhausted...and this leads me to an addendum to my resolutions. one that i Must keep.
Go to bed earlier, dang it. at Least by midnight.
andy tried to set an 11pm goal for us last week, and that has been achieved not one time. so midnight is a good start.
what's nice is that ella still operates on 2 hour awake periods, so when i am dead-tired, i know a nap is not too far off. for ella, yes, but just as importantly, for me.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Double Fisted
that's how ella likes it. whatever she's doing or holding, it's preferable that both hands are included. if she's just hanging out with her toys, there's one in each hand.
pacifiers? if there is more than one around, one's in the mouth, the other in her little hand. my favorite is when she can't decide which one she wants to suck on (or maybe she just wants to double the pleasure...or perhaps it's a foreshadowing of her desire to include everybody) and about every 4 seconds she switches from one to the other.
mealtime is another example (by the by, she's eating big person food). let's say the cuisine is goldfish. she's got one in her right hand, and is eating with her left.
everyday with this baby is more and more fun. she's crawling like a champ (she started crawling a week after the doctor said she was a late-bloomer and i got nervous and started hounding my friends with kids for crawling testimonials). currently we're in a shrieking match. she'll shriek, then i will, then we laugh and start all over. she's halfway pulling up - meaning she pulls up to her knees, and if she stays there for very long she starts shaking and howling for help. i'm trying not to jump in too quickly.
she's loving books more and more, and likes to turn the pages. i've become a first-rate speed reader due to her love of the quick-turn.
speaking of quick, i should probably start posting when the tiny's asleep...it's a challenge now that she's on the move.
pacifiers? if there is more than one around, one's in the mouth, the other in her little hand. my favorite is when she can't decide which one she wants to suck on (or maybe she just wants to double the pleasure...or perhaps it's a foreshadowing of her desire to include everybody) and about every 4 seconds she switches from one to the other.
mealtime is another example (by the by, she's eating big person food). let's say the cuisine is goldfish. she's got one in her right hand, and is eating with her left.
everyday with this baby is more and more fun. she's crawling like a champ (she started crawling a week after the doctor said she was a late-bloomer and i got nervous and started hounding my friends with kids for crawling testimonials). currently we're in a shrieking match. she'll shriek, then i will, then we laugh and start all over. she's halfway pulling up - meaning she pulls up to her knees, and if she stays there for very long she starts shaking and howling for help. i'm trying not to jump in too quickly.
she's loving books more and more, and likes to turn the pages. i've become a first-rate speed reader due to her love of the quick-turn.
speaking of quick, i should probably start posting when the tiny's asleep...it's a challenge now that she's on the move.
Monday, January 02, 2006
I Resolve...
to act like I actually have a blog and update it more frequently. there are important things happening around here, and it would be a crying shame if there was no record of them.
to turn on my oven and cook. something. anything. and don't ask me what we eat, because i really don't know.
to exercise. america's #1 resolution (or so i was told on ABC's New Year's Rockin' Eve). one that i promptly quit if i actually get around to starting it.
I could go on and on, but then around January 10 I would be sorely depressed because I will have failed to keep them all. But I really am going to work on the above. Well, at least the first two.
to turn on my oven and cook. something. anything. and don't ask me what we eat, because i really don't know.
to exercise. america's #1 resolution (or so i was told on ABC's New Year's Rockin' Eve). one that i promptly quit if i actually get around to starting it.
I could go on and on, but then around January 10 I would be sorely depressed because I will have failed to keep them all. But I really am going to work on the above. Well, at least the first two.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
traveler's rest
Home. It feels good. More than good, in fact. I walked in the front door after nearly two weeks of travel, and all I wanted to do was get in my own bed and take a nap. So I did. We've gotten to visit our families, and see lots of friends, so our trips were well worth it. But it's always so very nice to come home.
Ella was a good little traveler. I can tell she's exhausted, evidenced by her four naps yesterday. But she had a lot of fun seeing all her grandparents and aunts and uncles and playing her little heart out. Her love of the Johnny Jump-Up has reached a whole new level. The second you put her in there she starts shrieking with unbelievable delight. It's so fun!
She's reached some other levels, too. She's clapping now - her style is her right hand hitting her stationary left hand. Very cute. She waves as well. We're not sure if she knows she's doing it...but she's definitely looked at people and given them a little wave. So we like to think she does. The child's also going to be crawling any day. She gets on all fours and rocks back and forth. AND, she's started the ever-important babbling with consonants! hooray! it's sort of a cross between "blah blah blah" and "mlah mlah mlah."
That's about all the reports for now. When I've settled back into real life and reflect on just how many pieces of pumpkin pie and chocolate chessecake I had, I'm sure I'll be back.
Ella was a good little traveler. I can tell she's exhausted, evidenced by her four naps yesterday. But she had a lot of fun seeing all her grandparents and aunts and uncles and playing her little heart out. Her love of the Johnny Jump-Up has reached a whole new level. The second you put her in there she starts shrieking with unbelievable delight. It's so fun!
She's reached some other levels, too. She's clapping now - her style is her right hand hitting her stationary left hand. Very cute. She waves as well. We're not sure if she knows she's doing it...but she's definitely looked at people and given them a little wave. So we like to think she does. The child's also going to be crawling any day. She gets on all fours and rocks back and forth. AND, she's started the ever-important babbling with consonants! hooray! it's sort of a cross between "blah blah blah" and "mlah mlah mlah."
That's about all the reports for now. When I've settled back into real life and reflect on just how many pieces of pumpkin pie and chocolate chessecake I had, I'm sure I'll be back.
Friday, November 04, 2005
anything for a smile
Isn't it amusing how most adults will make just about any kind of crazy face, or speak with an amazingly high-pitched voice, for the reward of a baby's smile? Rightfully so. Being a recipient of Any baby's smile is about the sweetest thing I can think of...but especially when it's my own.
For some reason Ella Loves it when I sing "Cruella DeVille" - the song made oh-so-popular by Disney's 101 Dalmations. I don't really know why I started singing it to her one day. Maybe because it has "ella" as part of the name. Which led me to hope that my own Ella isn't called that one day by her peers - especially if it's warrented. Anyway, back to the song. She loves it! And this week she's been experimenting with her tongue. As in, sticking it out as part of her smile. Not like a dog, or like Michael Jordan when going up for a dunk, or like a little kid being mean, but she sticks her tongue out between her lips as she's giving a big grin. If she gets extra excited, she purses her mouth, scrunches her nose, and closes her eyes. And on a very rare and wonderful occassion, she gives a little laugh.
The other song which (this one I Really don't know why) I have been singing is the "Happy Birthday" song, but the "Christian" version. I don't know where I learned it, or when I sang it, or why I started singing it to my child today, but I did. She likes it, too. She was playing in her ExerSaucer, and her eyes got really big, and she smiled and leaned forward in excitement. Then we had a sing-along, which consisted of me trying to figure out what she liked best about singing (as in, when she would smile and "sing" along) and discovered it was when I held a note out for a really long time and used extra vibrato. I am Very glad that no one came to the door during this time.
So now she's napping, which I Think is getting better. I can never tell if we're finding a pattern, or what makes some days better than others. But I do know that yesterday we rocked for a long time (we actually hadn't done that in a while) and I made use of the time by reading. I learned a new word, in a children's book of all places. Of course, this isn't your typical modern-day children's book. It's "The Little White Horse" by Elizabeth Goudge. One of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors. It's on Ella's bookshelf, so I thought I would re-read it. Anyway, I came across the word "salubrious." Maybe it's a common word that all children know, but I thought not. It means "conducive or favorable to health or well-being." Which makes perfect sense now in the story. Which everyone should read. Or at least one book by Elizabeth Goudge before they die. Because she's that wonderful. One day I will read her children's books to Ella, and then hopefully she'll want to read the rest when she's older. And I can almost promise they will make her smile.
For some reason Ella Loves it when I sing "Cruella DeVille" - the song made oh-so-popular by Disney's 101 Dalmations. I don't really know why I started singing it to her one day. Maybe because it has "ella" as part of the name. Which led me to hope that my own Ella isn't called that one day by her peers - especially if it's warrented. Anyway, back to the song. She loves it! And this week she's been experimenting with her tongue. As in, sticking it out as part of her smile. Not like a dog, or like Michael Jordan when going up for a dunk, or like a little kid being mean, but she sticks her tongue out between her lips as she's giving a big grin. If she gets extra excited, she purses her mouth, scrunches her nose, and closes her eyes. And on a very rare and wonderful occassion, she gives a little laugh.
The other song which (this one I Really don't know why) I have been singing is the "Happy Birthday" song, but the "Christian" version. I don't know where I learned it, or when I sang it, or why I started singing it to my child today, but I did. She likes it, too. She was playing in her ExerSaucer, and her eyes got really big, and she smiled and leaned forward in excitement. Then we had a sing-along, which consisted of me trying to figure out what she liked best about singing (as in, when she would smile and "sing" along) and discovered it was when I held a note out for a really long time and used extra vibrato. I am Very glad that no one came to the door during this time.
So now she's napping, which I Think is getting better. I can never tell if we're finding a pattern, or what makes some days better than others. But I do know that yesterday we rocked for a long time (we actually hadn't done that in a while) and I made use of the time by reading. I learned a new word, in a children's book of all places. Of course, this isn't your typical modern-day children's book. It's "The Little White Horse" by Elizabeth Goudge. One of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors. It's on Ella's bookshelf, so I thought I would re-read it. Anyway, I came across the word "salubrious." Maybe it's a common word that all children know, but I thought not. It means "conducive or favorable to health or well-being." Which makes perfect sense now in the story. Which everyone should read. Or at least one book by Elizabeth Goudge before they die. Because she's that wonderful. One day I will read her children's books to Ella, and then hopefully she'll want to read the rest when she's older. And I can almost promise they will make her smile.
Friday, October 21, 2005
for your viewing pleasure
ok, party people, we've finally put some new pictures up of ella on our little family blog. the link is on the right (i still need to learn how to put links in my actual post). enjoy!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
you are Such a tease
First you take forever to let a cool breeze in, then after everyone gets excited and pulls out sweaters you promptly return in full force. Excuse me, Heat, it is October 18. I should not be in a tank top and shorts. My baby shoud not be sweating in her crib while sleeping in a sleeveless onesie sporting fish. She needs to be in a sweatshirt like she was last week.
Even the two, pretty pumpkins I literally climbed into a huge barrel to buy (don't expect me to hope for cool weather with ugly pumpkins) did not persuade you to go. You laughed and your breath made it hotter. Do you not smell the incense I burn (well, my Hazelnut Cream and Baked Apple Pie candles)? Don't you think you should kindly comply and go your merry way?
You have the entire Southern Hemisphere waiting for you - is that not enough? Are you really that insecure that you won't let your coveted cousin, Cold, come (and doesn't my alliteration impress you? or at least scare you away?)? Heck, just let your half-brother, Cool, visit us.
I no longer want to see my neighbors watering their yard. I no longer want to wear flip-flops, or if I do, I want my toes to be cold. I no longer want to sleep under our Summer covers. I want the big guns. I want the down comforter. I no longer want to order caramel frappucinos (decaf) - I want mochas (decaf)! I no longer want to use air conditioning in my car or my house. These are my heartfelt pleas.
All I know is that you'd better be packing your bags for at least 4 months (that's not too much to ask, is it?) by October 31. My baby will be a bunny, and although bunnies Do frolic during the warm months, her costume is furry and warm and I don't want a sweaty, sad bunny.
Don't you worry, I'll be calling on you soon enough. But I need my space. Too much of anything is not a good thing, right?
Even the two, pretty pumpkins I literally climbed into a huge barrel to buy (don't expect me to hope for cool weather with ugly pumpkins) did not persuade you to go. You laughed and your breath made it hotter. Do you not smell the incense I burn (well, my Hazelnut Cream and Baked Apple Pie candles)? Don't you think you should kindly comply and go your merry way?
You have the entire Southern Hemisphere waiting for you - is that not enough? Are you really that insecure that you won't let your coveted cousin, Cold, come (and doesn't my alliteration impress you? or at least scare you away?)? Heck, just let your half-brother, Cool, visit us.
I no longer want to see my neighbors watering their yard. I no longer want to wear flip-flops, or if I do, I want my toes to be cold. I no longer want to sleep under our Summer covers. I want the big guns. I want the down comforter. I no longer want to order caramel frappucinos (decaf) - I want mochas (decaf)! I no longer want to use air conditioning in my car or my house. These are my heartfelt pleas.
All I know is that you'd better be packing your bags for at least 4 months (that's not too much to ask, is it?) by October 31. My baby will be a bunny, and although bunnies Do frolic during the warm months, her costume is furry and warm and I don't want a sweaty, sad bunny.
Don't you worry, I'll be calling on you soon enough. But I need my space. Too much of anything is not a good thing, right?
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Daydreaming
When I was little, like most children, I had a bedtime. I had to abide by this set time, regardless of my level of tiredness - sometimes I was sad about it, but most of the time I looked forward to lying in bed, and letting my imagination take over. I often think longingly back to those days, where I would look up at the picture hanging above my bed, and make the characters come to life. The picture was of all the woodland animals making their way to school - which was held beside a tree, of course. I would give them names, backgrounds, conversations and friendships. Many winter nights I would lie under my flannel sheets in my flannel nightgown and create "lightning" by flapping my sheets up and down. But mostly I would just daydream, even though it wasn't really day.
I never daydreamed in class. The great Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes was always going on some crazy mind adventure during classtime. Not me. I was too afraid of getting into trouble, like the way it always ended with Calvin. I was definitely more like Suzie. Perfect example: the first time I ever got my name written on the board was in seventh grade. The troublemaker in the class kept poking and pestering me, until I finally turned around and violently exclaimed, "Leave me ALONE, Mark!" Instantly our names went on the board, and I was devastated. It was everything I could do to not cry. So, no daydreaming for me. Plus, I might have missed something really important that might have been on a test, or just plain interesting (yep, I was That kid).
As I got older, the nights grew later and I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow. I am still an insta-sleeper, and that's okay by me. I'm not exactly sleeping in anymore these days. And I've never taken the time to just Space Out. I'm always occupying my time. Even if it's actually enriching my mind, it still isn't Just my mind chewing on whatever's floating around in there.
I have been pleasantly surprised, however, by the re-entry of daydreaming in my life. As I've mentioned before, I have a baby who doesn't like to nap apart from me (the more time goes by and I try to figure out her personality, I think she just doesn't want to miss anything, and if I'm with her she feels like nothing must be going on so it's safe to sleep. I think. But of course I don't know. I've only been a mom for seven months, and Ella can't talk. But I'm pretty sure that's it.). So we spend a lot of time in the rocking chair, as I've talked about before. I've come to really love time in the rocking chair. Ella squirms for a while, but then she always makes her way to the crook of my neck. Once she's there, I know she's sleeping - or pretty darn close. And my body instantly relaxes.
It takes a few minutes for my mind to follow suit. I first have to scroll through all the logistics of the day, get things sorted out and put in their places. And then the Wandering begins. I don't even know really what I think about, but isn't that the point? Pretty soon it's been half-an-hour, and we're still rocking. Ella's happily sleeping, I'm happily wandering, and my knees beginning to protest. But still we rock. And sleep. And wander.
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